death of a loved one

i wrote the following poem in a creative writing class in 2006, in the style of W.H. Auden's "Funeral Blues."

death of a loved one

tell everyone to stay in bed,
surrender dreams for sleep instead.
pack up the pictures, the letters, the gifts,
send away the memories on the train you missed.

any happy thoughts now become
a gentle murmur behind a beating drum.
every smile is forced, every song just noise,
and life is mandatory; there's no longer any choice.

He was my heart's desire, my soul's rebirth,
He was my bright sun, and I his lighted Earth.
He filled my thoughts by day, my dreams by night,
I feared it would end one day; I was right.

Uproot the trees, they don't stand so tall anymore.
Take down the leaves they once beautifully wore.
Shut off the clocks, time has stopped in this season.
Everything is now without meaning, without reason.

I know the taste of love

I know the look of love--
its depth and breadth and height,
I know the feel of love--
the way it makes life light

I have heard love's voice
like a whisper in the night,
I have touched love briefly
and tried to hold its fingers tight

I've tried to call it to me
but it will not come
except by surprise,
leaving as quickly as it wants

I've begged it to stay
I've grasped and grabbed with all my might
I've pleaded and I've prayed
but must not be praying right

I know the taste of love
but only ever get a bite

Shifting Faults

The soft brown leather is discolored in places
where I spilled olive oil near it
on my kitchen counter
and it crawled over slowly
and struck a claim along one edge.

The leather is worn thin along the wallet’s folds--
The transactions of opening and closing
having accumulated a physical cost,
as if the heart beat of the wallet
(open close open close open close)
spent up more than its contents.

The hard white thread
that held together raw edges
is now split in places,
as if by fault lines that have shifted underneath
and broken open the land.

Tooled patterns once stamped deep caverns;
they have eroded into shadows
whispering rumors of old and intricate patterns.

I am weary
of opening and closing,
open, close, open-closing;
my edges are raw and so are my eyes.
The fault lines of my heart have shifted
so that my dreams are now fragmented;
hopes have eroded from once deep caverns
to whispering ridges,
and the soft leather of which I am made
has become discolored in places
where life has run into me.